Being contempt

Week 6

This week I commented on how I got to know God better after graduating from school, but I didn’t say how I had certain things taken away.  School, friends, the city of Memphis, and other communities/responsibilities I had while attending school.  It wasn’t until when I had little to do that I could focus on pursuing the word.  My last year of undergrad (S’ 09) I felt in my heart that I should be reading the word for myself, but I would always think my way out of it saying that I have more pressing things to do.  When I graduated I focused on working full time to pay for grad school over the summer and fall, but in the spring I didn’t have a full time job and since I already took the GRE “I had time” to do what I wanted to do, which is read the word.  But I was still writing essays to apply for the U of M until February so it wasn’t until after that that I started getting into the word.  When I began reading I wondered why I didn’t do this earlier, but I was glad to have gotten started.  I didn’t know where to start nor did I care, I figured I would get to a passage and it would make sense to my life in some way.  So I just read and reflected and realized that the reason I didn’t read earlier was because I didn’t think I needed to because my life wasn’t in turmoil as I would compare myself to others thinking that well my life isn’t as bad as such and such.  

By comparing what I was doing to others when I should have just worried about what I do and how I could influence others, either the wrong way or in a better way.  Matthews 7:3-5 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in you own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me remove the speck from your eye”; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  6 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  After I read that passage I realized that I’m blinding myself by comparing my life to others when really I should be living my own life because living in faith isn’t about beating or being better than others, it’s about being the best you you can be and you can’t be you if you’re comparing your life to someone else’s.  Matthews 7:13-14 Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.  I was leading myself down the broad gate of destruction by comparing myself to others I was around and not those in the word.  Although I do then what I do now, I didn’t have the mindset that I have now.  I didn’t see how the challenges I faced in route to the narrow gate strengthened me and acted as a footstool with the clarity I developed.  I didn’t realize how by having limits set by the commandments made my life easier rather than more difficult, because it was something I couldn’t do.  However by being more critical of my thinking my life has been made easier when things are taken away, living within guidelines and limits rather than wants and desires, led to peace of heart and mind once I started reading and taking in the word.  It’s funny because at the time that I only had a part time job and didn’t go to school I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere in my life, but now I see that being in motion isn’t always the best.  One can be blindly walking the wrong way thinking they are going the right way because they follow the crowd believing that they know what’s right.  Blindly trusting those around them to do the right thing, when what they really need to do is take a step back and think for a second, avoid moving, and then act on what they know is right.  Because Luke 11:28 blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it and Proverbs 14:12 there is a way that seems right to man, but its end is the way of death.  So I follow my heart and not the patterns of this world so life I live is the life of the few.